Adoption Pain

Isa 42:3

What I am going to share with you are not new thoughts, they have percolated for years. I sigh when people assume we are "joining the adoption fad." (adoption has been on both our hearts for over 20 years) Still as our adoption day seems to be drawing close rapidly, these thoughts are deeply on my heart, and the content of my prayers.
Simply, adoption pain.
Not the pain of paperwork chasing, or waiting years for your precious son or daughter.  It is the pain that these precious little ones and their dear first mom's, first dad's and foster mom's have suffered and will suffer. We all know that every adoption story begins with loss and brokenness. Our own adoption was necessary because we were lost and broken. God is a God of healing, when He walked on this earth, he gave the blind sight, he restored speech, he healed quadriplegics and epileptics- the Bible states he even restored missing and deformed limbs*. 
And the healing He brings is far more than the physical.
My prayers often return to this pain though.  I grieve for my sons. I grieve for all that in this broken world they have lost. I have cried for their first parents. The ones who gave birth to them, and for reasons we may never know, felt compelled to put them where they would be found by others. I grieve for Little Lion's foster mother who has cared for him for the past 22 months. I hurt, hurt, hurt when I think of the pain that is coming to my precious sons, yes the very birth pains of adoption, leaving all they know and love (and I believe both of mine have actually experienced genuine love in the places they are being cared for).  My heart breaks for the fear this will bring to two tiny 2 year olds.  Fully capable of understanding their loss, but not able to process why.
We entered this process with great heaviness for these reasons.  Earnestly, we have questioned every step of the way "Is this right, is this best under these circumstances, Is this as ethical as possible?"  More than anything, we never want to do anything to harm these children.  We have spent hours researching, questioning, probing, listening to adoptees both happy and hurt. While we have concluded "Yes" to these questions, we approach this with humility as imperfect, learning parents, and a constant prayer for true grace, true love and wisdom and understanding of our children. 
Every day we pray for their precious hearts, not that they will not grieve, not that the loss will be erased, but that "The God of all comfort who comforteth us in all our troubles" will be present throughout their lives, not just starting with adoption day.
"A bruised reed will He not break, and a smoking flax He will not quench"
"For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."

*Mat15:30,31 compare to Mat 18:8, Mar 9:43, κυλλός translated maimed, see Hippocrates usage as well (Pg 186 in Hyde's edition III)

Itchy Travelin' Feet

Travel

The railroad track is miles away,
And the day is loud with voices speaking,
Yet there isn't a train goes by all day
But I hear its whistle shrieking.

All night there isn't a train goes by,
Though the night is still for sleep and dreaming,
But I see its cinders red on the sky,
And hear its engine steaming.

My heart is warm with friends I make,
And better friends I'll not be knowing;
Yet there isn't a train I wouldn't take,
No matter where it's going.

 

Edna St. Vincent Millay

 

I think I was born with it. Traveling Feet. If they don't get used often enough, hard enough, and far enough they start to itch. Now, I love to be home, and my husband and I are very fond of our comfy bed, routines and whatnot, but maybe that's just because we generally travel often, travel hard, and travel far.  For a few months now we have had no major, crazy, whirlwind trips, and since I have been actually laid up in bed for a couple weeks the itching has really begun... Spring is everywhere!  As I write, a gentle spring rain is falling.  It is a glistening, green evening.  Dogwoods, azaleas, iris, tulips, wisteria are all in bloom.  

We drove out for small errand this past weekend as my first "out of bed" and spring was at that perfect stage where the green is a light froth over all, but not yet the dense green maze of summer, allowing us to still peer deeply into the forest.  There are only a few fleeting days here in the south where this ethereal touch can be seen. (My sweet husband took the most meandering route he could as he understood how I have missed being out)

But, it isn't just spring or the lack of traveling that has gotten me itching..

Yesterday, I received a torn fed-ex envelope, post-marked Chicago.  

With trembling hands I completed the demolition.

There they were: All six of our visas to China. It was a beautiful sight! Thankfully, our courier had packed the passports (visas attached) into a couple ziploc bags and that must have helped keep them in the envelope so that none were lost.  Note to self: 6 passports can burst a fed-ex envelope :)

Our Article 5 was completed and picked up at 4AM on Tuesday ;) and the US Consulate promptly informed us :)

Now we are trying to wait patiently for our TA, the invitation from China for us to travel!

It is our hope that our agency will be able to get us a consulate appt for very soon thereafter, and allow us to travel quickly.  In many cases, they have allowed families to do this, and given Little Lion's urgent surgical needs, I hope they will consider it.

Still even with the impatience to go, the time seems too short to accomplish all that needs to be done. But, slowly, items are getting ticked off the list.  Two new Britax carseats sit in the livingroom, much to the hilarity and delight of D and E who find it "beyond funny" to have carseats that are not in the car! Packing has begun, puzzling over how best to pack for possibly 3 different climates: Beijing, Zhengzhou, and Guangzhou. The puzzle and fun of packing for four little boys who are close to but not quite all the same size! Today we picked up the requisite red bags and tissue and such for wrapping the presents for all and sundry.  Though as Daniel so dryly remarked,  "You know we have to come up with presents for these bags."  Definitely a very backward way of getting presents! Still, if we are in the right spot for the wrapping and Chinese red envelopes...well carpe diem! All in God's time, we will be where we need to be; one foot after the other, one task at a time.

Pass the Ketchup, please!

Our little Nanyang Prince---We are coming, soon, DV,  Sweet boy!!

Catch up, I mean!
I think it must be fairly evident that blogging is not on the top of my to do lists most days, or weeks, or months...erhem.
But, there is so much to catch up on!
First, we received our much anticipated LOAs on March 11!  Fantastic rejoicing. :-D  CCAI overnighted them to us, and though I had clinic that day, I had Kiki (our fantastic Nanny) promise to text me the split second they arrived!  When Daniel and I got home we signed them and fed-ex'd them overnight back to CCAI.

We had already sent them all our I-800 paperwork, DS 230 and related stuff, so they immediately sent it in to the US government on Mar 13.  Then began the wait for the I-800 PA (which is also called an I-797) ...and our family all got sick! It was one thing right after another: Croup, Pneumonia, Gastroenteritis, Colds, unexplained fevers, and just general ickiness.  No one was spared. In retrospect, perhaps it was beneficial for me, because I stopped caring when the I-800PA would arrive.  I just wanted to survive. One.minute.at.a.time.  "Oh, Lord, just strength for right now, right now!" On top of all the illness, my company decided to move our medical office to a new location, a large number of my staff went on maternity (congrats!) or sick leave.  Utter chaos.  We are definitely not settled even yet!
But, in God's time the I-800PA arrived, on April 1, 18 days after application.  Had I been well and counting at the time, I know I would have been worried and anxious, but as I said, I had other things to think about!
We got our NVC letters 2 days later (April 3), but because of a time differential and the consulate being closed Sat, Sun, Mon, they were not delivered to the US consulate till April 9.  In the meantime, I got very sick again, and ended up in the hospital. How grateful I am for the dear church family who immediately jumped in to help, dropping everything to watch my boys, and help with housework and meals.  I have not lived "near" family since I was 18 years old. Time and again, God has cared for me and my family by this other family, the one into which we are born by the new birth.  Even as I type this, I am recovering in bed, while a sweet teen from our church feeds my little guys lunch.  Through the monitor I hear the giggles and laughter, and I am grateful. So grateful.

 We are blessed!

Zhengzhou laughter! We love you!

We talk about flying to China everyday! Aren't we grownup?

All those acronyms!

Last fall getting the dossier organized..

I'm a doctor.

I think in acronyms. 

 For instance, if you come to me complaining of chest pain and belly pain after eating, I may write the following in my note: "*49 yo ow wf co CP  w/+RUQ abd pain, w/o LE, no DOE, no SOB, no diaphoresis, no radiation, no fh CAD. no tob, no EtOH, sh unremarkable.  PMH neg for CAD, CVD, MI (STEMI, nonSTEMI), DM, HTN, CKD. ho burning sensation on back of tongue, Exam: A&Ox3, PERRLA, EOMI, ENT-MMM; CVS-RRR, S1S2, no M/R/G; Lungs CTAB; Abd: NABS, ttp epigastric &RUQ, no r/g. CMP normal, -trop, normal CK-MB, H&H normal. Normal diff.  Will wu w/ ekg, etc but given hx atypical, strong post-prandial assoc. will eval for GERD, PUD, BE, GB dz will obtain RUQ US, trial PPI Rx (NKDA). May need further w/u with EGD, ERCP and/or  MRCP. D/W pt DDx, S&S to call, when to come in, when to call 911, pt VU & A. FU in x days."  *(any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.)

:)

Okay, I admit that note is a little over the top as I wouldn't order all those tests immediately :)  but truthfully the acronym part is often not far from reality! While my made-up note uses standard acronyms, what about some regional, speciality-specific notes?  I acknowledge, I have spent a lot of time on hospital rounds trying to decipher a CT surgeons notes (there it goes again!)

 I realized the adoption community (especially country specific communities) have whole lexicons of acronyms, and when I am talking, sometimes I forget and start talking about TAs and SFs and 797s and...you get the picture! Perhaps I have already left you in the dust sometime when you kindly asked "So how is the adoption going?" 

So here you go, some basic acronym's and a smattering of jargon :)

• PAP--Pre-adoptive parents
• AP-Adoptive parents
• HS--home study, a 20-40 pg report by a licensed social worker detailing you and your family.  Based on background checks, interviews, home inspections, financial reports, references, and every personal document that describe you!
• Dossier--Not an acronym, but a collection of many, many documents including the home study that are notarized and certified up to 4 times before they are ready for China.
• MCC--a list of medical conditions given to your adoption agency detailing the medical conditions you feel prepared to and willing to handle in a child available for adoption
• NSN--non-special needs--A child with no known long term medical problems/disease or conditions
• SN--Special needs child: This could be a child with anything from mild easily correctable problems to severe syndromes or potentially life-threatening conditions.  It also includes children who are healthy, but older (often male) and have less chance of getting adopted. SN is further divided in the China adoption community to SF and LID-only.
• WC--Waiting child--same as above.
• SF--Special Focus.  SF children are children with more severe or complicated medical needs or issues, children who have been on the "Shared list" for >60 days with no family inquiring about them, and children whose age makes them less likely to be adopted. *The shared list is a list of children available for adoption released by the CCCWA that the CCCWA has not specifically assigned to adoption agencies who are working in China.  Because of the severe needs of these children and the lower rates of adoption among them, China will accept applications to adopt these children from families at any stage in the process. However, you still have to complete all the paperwork before you can bring them home :)
• LID-only--Children with medical needs available for adoption who have been deemed to have minor, more correctable medical conditions, usually much younger/infants.  Per the CCCWA, one cannot apply to adopt such a child until all paperwork is completed
• CCCWA--China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption, sometimes referred to as the CCCA, this is the central government agency that oversees all adoptions from China.  China and the US are both signatories of the Hague Adoption Convention, which aims to protect children from trafficking, innapropriate adoptions and other concerns.
• LOI--Letter of intent.  This is a letter you write and send to the CCCWA when you have recieved a child referral and want to pursue adopting that child.  In the case of WC/SN adoption it needs to detail their medical condition and the future plan of treatment.  It tells how you will care for the child and educate him, love him and never abandon him. In the case of SF children it is accompanied by financial statements, background info, and photos of your family.
• PA--Prior Approval--a PA is a special letter from the CCCWA stating that they will process your application in an expedited fashion for this specific child. Basically, that based on the information they received in the LOI and supporting documents they will plan on you adopting that child, and he is no longer available to any other family, provided you complete your dossier in a set period of time and all of it supports their original decision.
• I800A--A form submitted to USCIS (immigration) to determine whether you are suitable as candidate to adopt internationally from a Hague treat nation, and specifically, what country, what age range, how many children and whether the children can have special needs and if so, what severity for which your family is approved. Approval is based on your home study, background checks etc.
• I-797C--The document from USCIS that says they have approved your I-800A. It is usually the very last document you need to send your dossier to China
• DTC--Dossier to China--A moment to be celebrated
• LID--Log in date, the official date the CCCWA logged in your dossier.
• LOA--Letter of acceptance--Baby, you're ours!!! Also known as the LOC or LSC. This is the official seal of approval on your adoption...but wait...it's not done yet...
• I-800 and 1864w--Filed with the NBC (national benefits center)  this is the application to allow your specific child(ren) to immigrate to the USA, it cannot be filed until you have your LOA!
• NVC letter--National Visa Center letter, comes after your I800 is approved (also know as the I800PA, only here it means "provisionally approved")
• DS 230--what you actually file to get their visas, this is delived to the US consulate in China.
• Article 5--What the US consulate gives you when your DS 230 is delivered. It means you are good to go from the US side--your kids will become US citizens in China (if both parents travel to complete the adoption)
• TA--TRAVEL APPROVAL... your invitation from the CCCWA to come and pick up your children!

So, we are LID, and waiting and praying for LOA...



Please, Lord, please let my brothers come home soon



Exceeding Abundantly

Above all that we could ask or think! I have always loved that verse! It makes me catch my breath and sends a thrill through me, "Now unto HIM WHO etc.."
Today is a day that I have been privileged to see the exceeding abundant work of our Father.  We received our I-797 on Saturday late afternoon.  This was thrilling, but concerning timing as we could do nothing that day to certify it and prepare it, yet it had to be done this week due to upcoming US and Chinese holidays, and I couldn't take clinic off at such a last minute to start the process on Monday.  After talking to my clinic supervisor, she graciously helped me get all my patients from Tuesday moved to this Monday or next ;) and scheduled an extra nurse for the increased workload.  So while I saw extra pts, my husband took some time from his work on Monday and did the notary and county clerk and was blessed to get an appointment for us with the Dept of State for Wednesday morning.  Tuesday, with clinic cancelled, I drove the three hours over to our state capitol, first thing in the morning, and despite bad weather, God helped me to get in and out shortly after the government offices opened.  I drove back to our town, picked up our boys, and Daniel drove back from work, and we headed to DC, stopping only to make the requisite copies.  It was bad, bad weather all the way, blinding, driving rain, but in the wee hours of the morning, we made it to Fairfax, VA and gratefully turned in at a hotel. (Thank you, Lord for Priceline and smart phones!)  The next morning we headed to DC, had a pleasant and very quick appt with the DoS, (5 minute turn-around with a smile, how is that for a blessing?) and rushed to the Chinese embassy to turn in our paperwork.  We found that they were telling all people there that there would be no more rush (same day) service, but they were glad to get it done overnight for us. ** For other PAPs, I am not sure if this is a permanent change for personal, urgent/emergent hand delivered documents, as the option is still on the website, but the embassy staff did make it sound like this was a permanent policy change, so I would recommend planning for two days in DC.**
  This was a skewer in our plans, but we knew God had a reason, so since my parents live only 3 hrs from DC, we trucked on up to them.  Needless to say, living 12hrs apart as we do, these grandparents do not get as much time with the little guys as they would like, so this was a very fun surprise for them and us.  We are hoping and praying that my father will be able to accompany us on adoption trip, for so many reasons.  The next day, we headed back to DC, got the documents all looking pretty! and headed to Fed Ex, where I spent an unreasonable amount of time, copying, checking, collating and fine tooth combing, this which was to be our very last package of dossier documents to our agency! Poor Daniel, I think the boys were quite a handful, but I must say they were really troopers for this long crazy trip and only needed to occasionally let off a little very understandable steam now and then.
With that over-nighted to our agency, we got in our car and headed back toward home, watching the weather map that showed a bad looking snow storm was coming.  Most of the afternoon and evening we drove undisturbed, though the weather map declared we were at that very moment being pelted with snow.  God was driving the storm before us. Suddenly, my phone rang. It was CCAI, I answered, curious as to why they would be calling at this late time.  Jaime told me that our critical review was done, "yay!" but "I have some really bad news for you, can you talk now?"  Quickly she told me that all our documents that we had sealed in October had an error in that they were all lacking a date on one of the seals from the embassy.  She noted that this was a very serious error and would require all the documents to be returned to the embassy and a correction requested.  We would not likely make our hoped for goal of DTC before the New Year.   We were at a loss of what to do. D and I both had to be back in town for work and responsibility this morning, and we had already left DC.  J said she was closing up the office, but she would be happy to overnight the documents anywhere I wanted.  D and I did not know what to do. Rapidly we discussed options, but all seemed impossible given the circumstances, only two more intercountry mailings scheduled-and next week was inauguration, MLK...the list of impossibles was too long!
J did not believe that the embassy would be able to do any same day corrections.  Our hearts sank.  We thanked her for the info and hung up, puzzled and heart sick.  It seemed, humanly, that our dossier would now have to wait till after the New Year at minimum and get caught in the piles that build over this long, lovely holiday. Suddenly, I thought of my parents! Perhaps they could take the package (today) to DC. I was upset, "be ye angry and sin not" ran through my head, because "it was too late" J had said she was leaving the office and would not be back till Monday.  Daniel suggested (after I had been upset and tearful for a few minutes) that I should call back, even though the office was closed and see if J was still there.
I did.
She was.
She would.
Of course.
 (thank you, Lord for making me set up a fed ex account back when I thought I didn't really need too.) Then, Daniel began looking to see if we could find a fed ex office near us (somewhere in the boonies as our family would say) to send my father our passport copies, examples of correct sealing etc. We found one. It was closing in 2 minutes. They suggested another. We rushed there and sent off the package and got back on the road, praying. Up till this point the roads had been clear and no traffic, so we were able to do all this running around with no problem.  I called my parents and my father was happy to take on this ticklish task of running to DC and seeking a solution. Thank you, Abba!
The roads stayed clear but the snow on either side increased.  Finally, the traffic ground to a halt. Parked on the interstate, we were grateful that Daniel had filled up the tank at the last fed-ex stop.  We spent most of the night parked for a hour or so, suddenly traffic would start and we would rush on, no sign of the reason of delay, and then again, the traffic would suddenly condense and park for a couple hours.  Finally, we decided, tiredly to try the back roads if we had a chance at an exit...I cannot countenance this decision as having the slightest rationality to it.  If the interstate, which was quite clear could not move...! Daniel had been sleeping, while I watched for movement in the traffic. When it came, I pointed out that according to my phone there was a critical access road that paralleled the interstate. What did he think? We got off.  We looked at our map.  The critical access road looked very small and unlikely to be fully plowed, we were in the mountains.  We opted for some country(state) highways instead. As we drove these roads, I noticed a small dot on the map directly on our proposed route "Highest peak in the state of X" Uh Oh.  Should we turn back?  But the snow was so high, that the only way was forward. Trees were downed everywhere. The road wasn't that bad...and then it was. The plows had passed that way. Brave plow drivers! But they had only plowed their best around the trees that blocked up to 75% of the roadway.  Lots of snow remained.  Creeping along at no more than 15- 20mph we did sharp hair pin turn after hair pin turn slowly ascending the mountain.  The mountain stream on one side had become a raging and furious river tearing trees out and bearing them down (last night was the first time I have seen real waves in a stream!) and the tiny rivulets down the mountain side had become roaring waterfalls that sprayed across the road like fire hydrants.  On the other side the valley dropped down down and in places the edges of the road had given out, crumbling and tumbling down the living storming mountain.  We had to maintain enough speed to not slip and yet I was constantly afraid that we would hurtle either over the cliff  or into the raging waters.  This was all at 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 in the morning.  Finally we reached the peak, and if possible I felt that the road became worse, how I hate hairpins downhill on a good day!  I was so exhausted I could hardly keep my eyes open, but was trying to stay awake to help Daniel.  Thankfully the boys slept peacefully. Daniel is an amazing man.  I have always known that, but watching his nerves of steel last night, his calmness and skill, I am so thankful for him. He threaded around trees on steep grades maintaining the center of the road always alert. We were praying all the way.  When we finally crawled into the tiny town at the base of the mountain, there was no doubt to us that A. We didn't deserve to be all in one piece! and B. That God is very merciful! Our lives are in His hands. There were still lots of windy mountain roads (one is never quite out of the mountains around here) till the interstate, but finally we found a partially plowed grocery store parking lot and were able to sleep for an hour. Then back on the interstate, where the traffic was light, but the car in front of us immediately spun out on black ice.  We decided this time that wisdom was the better part of valor and pulled off at the next exit to rest till the sun had been up for a while.  Eventually we were able to get back on the roads, and though there was still black ice and thick fog, we were able to continue slowly and steadily.  Around 8 my mother called to let us know that they had received the fed-ex packages at 7:40 and my father was heading out to DC.  We made it home safely.  Around 1:50 my father called to say that not only had he made it safely to DC, but that the embassy had, after discussion with him, graciously and willingly corrected the seals on the spot!!!!! He had them all in hand! He was taking them to Fed Ex!  To use an over used expression--MINDBLOWN!! Definitely today, yesterday, all of this is Exceeding abundantly above all that we could ever ask or think!
So at this moment, God willing, our documents are on their way to our agency, and J says (God willing) we should be DTC next Friday!

Here I raise my Ebenezer

Hither by Thy help I've come

 And I know by Thy good pleasure

 Safely I'll arrive at Home

I-800A approval! and a catch...

We submitted our I800A mid November, and got fingerprinted December 10.  Due to some recent postal delivery issues in our neighborhood, we had become concerned (I was plain worried) that our approval might have been lost.  So, after consulting with our agency, I gave USCIS a call, and immediately got a very friendly person who was happy to help look it up! Apparently we have been approved! Praise God! So very, very thankful to hear this! The only catch is...our approval letter is not here yet...and the mail has already come today, chuckles...

When the letter arrives, DV, I need to get a copy of it notarized, then certified by the county clerk, then certified by the state, then authenticated by the US Dept of State,  and finally a sealed by the Chinese Embassy.  This is the last document for our dossier, and then, God willing, it is off to China! (the homestudy will be traveling with it too, as cost wise I was waiting to do them together.)

Now we need to decide if I should take it all to DC myself, or use a courier. Courier service takes at least a week, and therefore is much slower, but, its a long, long drive! Last set of documents we did ourselves and it was very smooth and super quick. Hmm.

Christmas gifts and waiting...

We have had a busy, happy, sick ;) holiday season, with much travel, many runny noses, sore throats and fevers...
I am certainly thankful that the boys (though still increasing the price of stock in the Kleenex market) are on the mend.  The day after Christmas, we got an update on one of our boys! So thrilling! The last update from our agency was in June, and I knew not to expect any updates, that they are just an unexpected treat if they happen...so what a treat!  They sent pictures with the update and best of all in the pictures Little Lion is holding a toy we sent back in August!! I don't know if it just arrived or if he got the rest of the package...but it was thrilling to know he had something I picked out for him.  It made him seem closer to see him holding something that not too many months ago, I was holding. What a special blessing from the Lord.
The waiting continues.  I was really hoping that getting our fingerprints early would mean maybe getting our I800A approval in 2012, but no word yet.  I know the holidays do slow things down, but every day when we check the mail and there is no word my heart sinks a little.  They have 90 days to process, and I believe we are at 45 days. I am just not sure if that is 90 business days... that makes it a lot longer! I have seen families get their approvals as quickly as 1 day after fingerprints and often recently as quickly as 1 week after, but that is not our story, so I need to learn to be content.
Despite all the sickness this has been a joyful season of remembering our precious Saviour's birth, and I am grateful for it.