No TA yet, but LOOK!!!

This morning I woke to find emails from a precious lady. (more about that another time) A Dutch family had visited the children at the foster care center where our little Jian lives--AND THEY TOOK PICTURES!!! HOORAY!! Thank you, thank you dear Dutch family!(Dank Je! Dank Je! Hartelijk Bedankt!) Our last two updates from the SWI had no pictures...so pictures of our son that are less than a week old! Oh my!
So without further ado:
One of our absolutely adorable and precious sons

 

He looks so well! So thankful to see this!

I have more pictures, but blogger absolutely refuses to upload them currently, so I will try to post them later :)
Maybe I'll have a TA by then ;) 

Hope Deferred...

...maketh the heart sick... (the Proverbs of Solomon)
I told my husband that all I wanted for mother's day was a TA :) (Travel approval), but that was not to be.
I know that God's time is perfect in this all, but these last nearly 3 weeks of waiting are seeming to grow longer by the minute! I jump every time my phone beeps--"maybe its here!"  But again and again, "No, not yet."
So, we work and try to focus on what must be done now and rejoice.  I still have plenty to keep me busy, and perhaps; it may still come today. I'll update if it does! In the meantime, "let patience have its perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire lacking nothing"  after all, "But when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life" :)

Mother's Day

This sweet Rockwell reminds me of many Sunday mornings with my mother in our pew. How she managed to keep her many children attentive and well behaved through a beautifully rich liturgical service, singlehandedly while my father preached, I will never know.   This little girl only lacks the tiny white gloves that were my pride and joy on Sunday mornings.

This post is too difficult to write correctly, but I wish I could express a tiny portion of my gratitude for my mother, my grandmothers, my mother in law, and certain examples (Thank you, Edith Schaeffer) who also taught me so much about being a mother.
To my mother: You are passionate about learning, books, people, travel, and most of all Christ. Your enthusiasm for learning is unquenchable.  You showed me that a woman could enjoy the thrill of quantum mechanics, theoretical physics, languages, music, history, and that there was no subject in the world that couldn't be interesting! You positively glowed when teaching us the beauty and intricacy of Greek, the richness of theology, the power of Hebrew, the music of Spanish. You taught us that etiquette was truly important, and then broadened our understanding to learn how to graciously and humbly approach very different manners and cultures from Middle Eastern to Asian to European. You love meeting all people, because you genuinely want to know about them.  You are brave.  You did everything differently, and even though I know you are shy, you were still the best speaker at any conference, the most engaging teacher, and by far one of the most broad-minded and enlightened women I know.  You are an intellectual, an academic yes, but you also taught me to sew, to knit, to can, to bake, to care for little ones and to be a living example of love. You never presented me with an "either-or" dichotomy of professional versus homemaker.  Instead, you live fully, richly, individually, and even when I see you worry about others opinions a little bit, you refuse to let their views dictate to you how you live. Yet, you are humble, kind, willing to forgive and to ask forgiveness. You want to live Christ.
To my paternal Grandmother:   Like my mother, you are strong, intelligent, world-traveled, and immensely talented. You showed me that to be a lady in the fullest sense of the word was a beautiful thing for which to strive. You inspired me to not only seek beauty, but also to create it around me. You introduced me to the best artists, and made them old friends. You always encouraged the art to blossom in me. You opened my world to the treasure of great music, the finest musicians. You are truly an example of polish and poise, graceful steel, serene dignity. Thank you for your love for me, your encouragement, your example.
To my maternal Grandmother:  You never would accept anything other than excellence. Excellence in grammar, excellence in spelling, excellence in mathematics, excellence in life. You could not and do not tolerate mediocrity. God has used you to teach me many lessons. Indeed, they are lessons I am still learning.
To my Mother-in-law:  Surely, our cultures are different, our worlds before so disparate, and yet  now so entwined. Yet, you have always shown me such grace, such beauty of spirit.  You are tender-hearted, and determined in your love toward me. I am acutely aware of how far you surpass me. I see your diligence and your humility toward your family. Every day, you put them above yourself. I wonder at your patience. I see you reflected in your son, the best husband a woman could ever wish for. Thank you for teaching him and raising him to be someone who loves to learn, and cares for people so truly. You truly exemplify the treasure of a meek and quiet spirit--the jewel of Christ-likeness.  It is my prayer to raise my sons as well as you raised your son.  Thank you for loving me. I love you too.
Dear Edith Schaeffer: I know you are enjoying your first Mother's day in Heaven. Thank you for your example. Thank you for everything you taught me about homemaking, living, loving, learning. Your granddaughter said that walking into your home was "like walking into the sunshine."  Thank you for sharing that Sonshine with the world. Your life to me is the epitome of the words:  "Love never fails."
To the Adoptive Moms who have stepped up to help me through this journey:  Thank you! Your willingness to share with me in joy or sorrow, your honesty in weakness and struggles, your fierce love for your children; all these and much more strengthen me on this path.  

Adoption Pain

Isa 42:3

What I am going to share with you are not new thoughts, they have percolated for years. I sigh when people assume we are "joining the adoption fad." (adoption has been on both our hearts for over 20 years) Still as our adoption day seems to be drawing close rapidly, these thoughts are deeply on my heart, and the content of my prayers.
Simply, adoption pain.
Not the pain of paperwork chasing, or waiting years for your precious son or daughter.  It is the pain that these precious little ones and their dear first mom's, first dad's and foster mom's have suffered and will suffer. We all know that every adoption story begins with loss and brokenness. Our own adoption was necessary because we were lost and broken. God is a God of healing, when He walked on this earth, he gave the blind sight, he restored speech, he healed quadriplegics and epileptics- the Bible states he even restored missing and deformed limbs*. 
And the healing He brings is far more than the physical.
My prayers often return to this pain though.  I grieve for my sons. I grieve for all that in this broken world they have lost. I have cried for their first parents. The ones who gave birth to them, and for reasons we may never know, felt compelled to put them where they would be found by others. I grieve for Little Lion's foster mother who has cared for him for the past 22 months. I hurt, hurt, hurt when I think of the pain that is coming to my precious sons, yes the very birth pains of adoption, leaving all they know and love (and I believe both of mine have actually experienced genuine love in the places they are being cared for).  My heart breaks for the fear this will bring to two tiny 2 year olds.  Fully capable of understanding their loss, but not able to process why.
We entered this process with great heaviness for these reasons.  Earnestly, we have questioned every step of the way "Is this right, is this best under these circumstances, Is this as ethical as possible?"  More than anything, we never want to do anything to harm these children.  We have spent hours researching, questioning, probing, listening to adoptees both happy and hurt. While we have concluded "Yes" to these questions, we approach this with humility as imperfect, learning parents, and a constant prayer for true grace, true love and wisdom and understanding of our children. 
Every day we pray for their precious hearts, not that they will not grieve, not that the loss will be erased, but that "The God of all comfort who comforteth us in all our troubles" will be present throughout their lives, not just starting with adoption day.
"A bruised reed will He not break, and a smoking flax He will not quench"
"For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."

*Mat15:30,31 compare to Mat 18:8, Mar 9:43, κυλλός translated maimed, see Hippocrates usage as well (Pg 186 in Hyde's edition III)

Itchy Travelin' Feet

Travel

The railroad track is miles away,
And the day is loud with voices speaking,
Yet there isn't a train goes by all day
But I hear its whistle shrieking.

All night there isn't a train goes by,
Though the night is still for sleep and dreaming,
But I see its cinders red on the sky,
And hear its engine steaming.

My heart is warm with friends I make,
And better friends I'll not be knowing;
Yet there isn't a train I wouldn't take,
No matter where it's going.

 

Edna St. Vincent Millay

 

I think I was born with it. Traveling Feet. If they don't get used often enough, hard enough, and far enough they start to itch. Now, I love to be home, and my husband and I are very fond of our comfy bed, routines and whatnot, but maybe that's just because we generally travel often, travel hard, and travel far.  For a few months now we have had no major, crazy, whirlwind trips, and since I have been actually laid up in bed for a couple weeks the itching has really begun... Spring is everywhere!  As I write, a gentle spring rain is falling.  It is a glistening, green evening.  Dogwoods, azaleas, iris, tulips, wisteria are all in bloom.  

We drove out for small errand this past weekend as my first "out of bed" and spring was at that perfect stage where the green is a light froth over all, but not yet the dense green maze of summer, allowing us to still peer deeply into the forest.  There are only a few fleeting days here in the south where this ethereal touch can be seen. (My sweet husband took the most meandering route he could as he understood how I have missed being out)

But, it isn't just spring or the lack of traveling that has gotten me itching..

Yesterday, I received a torn fed-ex envelope, post-marked Chicago.  

With trembling hands I completed the demolition.

There they were: All six of our visas to China. It was a beautiful sight! Thankfully, our courier had packed the passports (visas attached) into a couple ziploc bags and that must have helped keep them in the envelope so that none were lost.  Note to self: 6 passports can burst a fed-ex envelope :)

Our Article 5 was completed and picked up at 4AM on Tuesday ;) and the US Consulate promptly informed us :)

Now we are trying to wait patiently for our TA, the invitation from China for us to travel!

It is our hope that our agency will be able to get us a consulate appt for very soon thereafter, and allow us to travel quickly.  In many cases, they have allowed families to do this, and given Little Lion's urgent surgical needs, I hope they will consider it.

Still even with the impatience to go, the time seems too short to accomplish all that needs to be done. But, slowly, items are getting ticked off the list.  Two new Britax carseats sit in the livingroom, much to the hilarity and delight of D and E who find it "beyond funny" to have carseats that are not in the car! Packing has begun, puzzling over how best to pack for possibly 3 different climates: Beijing, Zhengzhou, and Guangzhou. The puzzle and fun of packing for four little boys who are close to but not quite all the same size! Today we picked up the requisite red bags and tissue and such for wrapping the presents for all and sundry.  Though as Daniel so dryly remarked,  "You know we have to come up with presents for these bags."  Definitely a very backward way of getting presents! Still, if we are in the right spot for the wrapping and Chinese red envelopes...well carpe diem! All in God's time, we will be where we need to be; one foot after the other, one task at a time.

Pass the Ketchup, please!

Our little Nanyang Prince---We are coming, soon, DV,  Sweet boy!!

Catch up, I mean!
I think it must be fairly evident that blogging is not on the top of my to do lists most days, or weeks, or months...erhem.
But, there is so much to catch up on!
First, we received our much anticipated LOAs on March 11!  Fantastic rejoicing. :-D  CCAI overnighted them to us, and though I had clinic that day, I had Kiki (our fantastic Nanny) promise to text me the split second they arrived!  When Daniel and I got home we signed them and fed-ex'd them overnight back to CCAI.

We had already sent them all our I-800 paperwork, DS 230 and related stuff, so they immediately sent it in to the US government on Mar 13.  Then began the wait for the I-800 PA (which is also called an I-797) ...and our family all got sick! It was one thing right after another: Croup, Pneumonia, Gastroenteritis, Colds, unexplained fevers, and just general ickiness.  No one was spared. In retrospect, perhaps it was beneficial for me, because I stopped caring when the I-800PA would arrive.  I just wanted to survive. One.minute.at.a.time.  "Oh, Lord, just strength for right now, right now!" On top of all the illness, my company decided to move our medical office to a new location, a large number of my staff went on maternity (congrats!) or sick leave.  Utter chaos.  We are definitely not settled even yet!
But, in God's time the I-800PA arrived, on April 1, 18 days after application.  Had I been well and counting at the time, I know I would have been worried and anxious, but as I said, I had other things to think about!
We got our NVC letters 2 days later (April 3), but because of a time differential and the consulate being closed Sat, Sun, Mon, they were not delivered to the US consulate till April 9.  In the meantime, I got very sick again, and ended up in the hospital. How grateful I am for the dear church family who immediately jumped in to help, dropping everything to watch my boys, and help with housework and meals.  I have not lived "near" family since I was 18 years old. Time and again, God has cared for me and my family by this other family, the one into which we are born by the new birth.  Even as I type this, I am recovering in bed, while a sweet teen from our church feeds my little guys lunch.  Through the monitor I hear the giggles and laughter, and I am grateful. So grateful.

 We are blessed!

Zhengzhou laughter! We love you!

We talk about flying to China everyday! Aren't we grownup?

All those acronyms!

Last fall getting the dossier organized..

I'm a doctor.

I think in acronyms. 

 For instance, if you come to me complaining of chest pain and belly pain after eating, I may write the following in my note: "*49 yo ow wf co CP  w/+RUQ abd pain, w/o LE, no DOE, no SOB, no diaphoresis, no radiation, no fh CAD. no tob, no EtOH, sh unremarkable.  PMH neg for CAD, CVD, MI (STEMI, nonSTEMI), DM, HTN, CKD. ho burning sensation on back of tongue, Exam: A&Ox3, PERRLA, EOMI, ENT-MMM; CVS-RRR, S1S2, no M/R/G; Lungs CTAB; Abd: NABS, ttp epigastric &RUQ, no r/g. CMP normal, -trop, normal CK-MB, H&H normal. Normal diff.  Will wu w/ ekg, etc but given hx atypical, strong post-prandial assoc. will eval for GERD, PUD, BE, GB dz will obtain RUQ US, trial PPI Rx (NKDA). May need further w/u with EGD, ERCP and/or  MRCP. D/W pt DDx, S&S to call, when to come in, when to call 911, pt VU & A. FU in x days."  *(any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.)

:)

Okay, I admit that note is a little over the top as I wouldn't order all those tests immediately :)  but truthfully the acronym part is often not far from reality! While my made-up note uses standard acronyms, what about some regional, speciality-specific notes?  I acknowledge, I have spent a lot of time on hospital rounds trying to decipher a CT surgeons notes (there it goes again!)

 I realized the adoption community (especially country specific communities) have whole lexicons of acronyms, and when I am talking, sometimes I forget and start talking about TAs and SFs and 797s and...you get the picture! Perhaps I have already left you in the dust sometime when you kindly asked "So how is the adoption going?" 

So here you go, some basic acronym's and a smattering of jargon :)

• PAP--Pre-adoptive parents
• AP-Adoptive parents
• HS--home study, a 20-40 pg report by a licensed social worker detailing you and your family.  Based on background checks, interviews, home inspections, financial reports, references, and every personal document that describe you!
• Dossier--Not an acronym, but a collection of many, many documents including the home study that are notarized and certified up to 4 times before they are ready for China.
• MCC--a list of medical conditions given to your adoption agency detailing the medical conditions you feel prepared to and willing to handle in a child available for adoption
• NSN--non-special needs--A child with no known long term medical problems/disease or conditions
• SN--Special needs child: This could be a child with anything from mild easily correctable problems to severe syndromes or potentially life-threatening conditions.  It also includes children who are healthy, but older (often male) and have less chance of getting adopted. SN is further divided in the China adoption community to SF and LID-only.
• WC--Waiting child--same as above.
• SF--Special Focus.  SF children are children with more severe or complicated medical needs or issues, children who have been on the "Shared list" for >60 days with no family inquiring about them, and children whose age makes them less likely to be adopted. *The shared list is a list of children available for adoption released by the CCCWA that the CCCWA has not specifically assigned to adoption agencies who are working in China.  Because of the severe needs of these children and the lower rates of adoption among them, China will accept applications to adopt these children from families at any stage in the process. However, you still have to complete all the paperwork before you can bring them home :)
• LID-only--Children with medical needs available for adoption who have been deemed to have minor, more correctable medical conditions, usually much younger/infants.  Per the CCCWA, one cannot apply to adopt such a child until all paperwork is completed
• CCCWA--China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption, sometimes referred to as the CCCA, this is the central government agency that oversees all adoptions from China.  China and the US are both signatories of the Hague Adoption Convention, which aims to protect children from trafficking, innapropriate adoptions and other concerns.
• LOI--Letter of intent.  This is a letter you write and send to the CCCWA when you have recieved a child referral and want to pursue adopting that child.  In the case of WC/SN adoption it needs to detail their medical condition and the future plan of treatment.  It tells how you will care for the child and educate him, love him and never abandon him. In the case of SF children it is accompanied by financial statements, background info, and photos of your family.
• PA--Prior Approval--a PA is a special letter from the CCCWA stating that they will process your application in an expedited fashion for this specific child. Basically, that based on the information they received in the LOI and supporting documents they will plan on you adopting that child, and he is no longer available to any other family, provided you complete your dossier in a set period of time and all of it supports their original decision.
• I800A--A form submitted to USCIS (immigration) to determine whether you are suitable as candidate to adopt internationally from a Hague treat nation, and specifically, what country, what age range, how many children and whether the children can have special needs and if so, what severity for which your family is approved. Approval is based on your home study, background checks etc.
• I-797C--The document from USCIS that says they have approved your I-800A. It is usually the very last document you need to send your dossier to China
• DTC--Dossier to China--A moment to be celebrated
• LID--Log in date, the official date the CCCWA logged in your dossier.
• LOA--Letter of acceptance--Baby, you're ours!!! Also known as the LOC or LSC. This is the official seal of approval on your adoption...but wait...it's not done yet...
• I-800 and 1864w--Filed with the NBC (national benefits center)  this is the application to allow your specific child(ren) to immigrate to the USA, it cannot be filed until you have your LOA!
• NVC letter--National Visa Center letter, comes after your I800 is approved (also know as the I800PA, only here it means "provisionally approved")
• DS 230--what you actually file to get their visas, this is delived to the US consulate in China.
• Article 5--What the US consulate gives you when your DS 230 is delivered. It means you are good to go from the US side--your kids will become US citizens in China (if both parents travel to complete the adoption)
• TA--TRAVEL APPROVAL... your invitation from the CCCWA to come and pick up your children!

So, we are LID, and waiting and praying for LOA...



Please, Lord, please let my brothers come home soon