Adoption Pain

Isa 42:3

What I am going to share with you are not new thoughts, they have percolated for years. I sigh when people assume we are "joining the adoption fad." (adoption has been on both our hearts for over 20 years) Still as our adoption day seems to be drawing close rapidly, these thoughts are deeply on my heart, and the content of my prayers.
Simply, adoption pain.
Not the pain of paperwork chasing, or waiting years for your precious son or daughter.  It is the pain that these precious little ones and their dear first mom's, first dad's and foster mom's have suffered and will suffer. We all know that every adoption story begins with loss and brokenness. Our own adoption was necessary because we were lost and broken. God is a God of healing, when He walked on this earth, he gave the blind sight, he restored speech, he healed quadriplegics and epileptics- the Bible states he even restored missing and deformed limbs*. 
And the healing He brings is far more than the physical.
My prayers often return to this pain though.  I grieve for my sons. I grieve for all that in this broken world they have lost. I have cried for their first parents. The ones who gave birth to them, and for reasons we may never know, felt compelled to put them where they would be found by others. I grieve for Little Lion's foster mother who has cared for him for the past 22 months. I hurt, hurt, hurt when I think of the pain that is coming to my precious sons, yes the very birth pains of adoption, leaving all they know and love (and I believe both of mine have actually experienced genuine love in the places they are being cared for).  My heart breaks for the fear this will bring to two tiny 2 year olds.  Fully capable of understanding their loss, but not able to process why.
We entered this process with great heaviness for these reasons.  Earnestly, we have questioned every step of the way "Is this right, is this best under these circumstances, Is this as ethical as possible?"  More than anything, we never want to do anything to harm these children.  We have spent hours researching, questioning, probing, listening to adoptees both happy and hurt. While we have concluded "Yes" to these questions, we approach this with humility as imperfect, learning parents, and a constant prayer for true grace, true love and wisdom and understanding of our children. 
Every day we pray for their precious hearts, not that they will not grieve, not that the loss will be erased, but that "The God of all comfort who comforteth us in all our troubles" will be present throughout their lives, not just starting with adoption day.
"A bruised reed will He not break, and a smoking flax He will not quench"
"For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."

*Mat15:30,31 compare to Mat 18:8, Mar 9:43, κυλλός translated maimed, see Hippocrates usage as well (Pg 186 in Hyde's edition III)

Itchy Travelin' Feet

Travel

The railroad track is miles away,
And the day is loud with voices speaking,
Yet there isn't a train goes by all day
But I hear its whistle shrieking.

All night there isn't a train goes by,
Though the night is still for sleep and dreaming,
But I see its cinders red on the sky,
And hear its engine steaming.

My heart is warm with friends I make,
And better friends I'll not be knowing;
Yet there isn't a train I wouldn't take,
No matter where it's going.

 

Edna St. Vincent Millay

 

I think I was born with it. Traveling Feet. If they don't get used often enough, hard enough, and far enough they start to itch. Now, I love to be home, and my husband and I are very fond of our comfy bed, routines and whatnot, but maybe that's just because we generally travel often, travel hard, and travel far.  For a few months now we have had no major, crazy, whirlwind trips, and since I have been actually laid up in bed for a couple weeks the itching has really begun... Spring is everywhere!  As I write, a gentle spring rain is falling.  It is a glistening, green evening.  Dogwoods, azaleas, iris, tulips, wisteria are all in bloom.  

We drove out for small errand this past weekend as my first "out of bed" and spring was at that perfect stage where the green is a light froth over all, but not yet the dense green maze of summer, allowing us to still peer deeply into the forest.  There are only a few fleeting days here in the south where this ethereal touch can be seen. (My sweet husband took the most meandering route he could as he understood how I have missed being out)

But, it isn't just spring or the lack of traveling that has gotten me itching..

Yesterday, I received a torn fed-ex envelope, post-marked Chicago.  

With trembling hands I completed the demolition.

There they were: All six of our visas to China. It was a beautiful sight! Thankfully, our courier had packed the passports (visas attached) into a couple ziploc bags and that must have helped keep them in the envelope so that none were lost.  Note to self: 6 passports can burst a fed-ex envelope :)

Our Article 5 was completed and picked up at 4AM on Tuesday ;) and the US Consulate promptly informed us :)

Now we are trying to wait patiently for our TA, the invitation from China for us to travel!

It is our hope that our agency will be able to get us a consulate appt for very soon thereafter, and allow us to travel quickly.  In many cases, they have allowed families to do this, and given Little Lion's urgent surgical needs, I hope they will consider it.

Still even with the impatience to go, the time seems too short to accomplish all that needs to be done. But, slowly, items are getting ticked off the list.  Two new Britax carseats sit in the livingroom, much to the hilarity and delight of D and E who find it "beyond funny" to have carseats that are not in the car! Packing has begun, puzzling over how best to pack for possibly 3 different climates: Beijing, Zhengzhou, and Guangzhou. The puzzle and fun of packing for four little boys who are close to but not quite all the same size! Today we picked up the requisite red bags and tissue and such for wrapping the presents for all and sundry.  Though as Daniel so dryly remarked,  "You know we have to come up with presents for these bags."  Definitely a very backward way of getting presents! Still, if we are in the right spot for the wrapping and Chinese red envelopes...well carpe diem! All in God's time, we will be where we need to be; one foot after the other, one task at a time.

Pass the Ketchup, please!

Our little Nanyang Prince---We are coming, soon, DV,  Sweet boy!!

Catch up, I mean!
I think it must be fairly evident that blogging is not on the top of my to do lists most days, or weeks, or months...erhem.
But, there is so much to catch up on!
First, we received our much anticipated LOAs on March 11!  Fantastic rejoicing. :-D  CCAI overnighted them to us, and though I had clinic that day, I had Kiki (our fantastic Nanny) promise to text me the split second they arrived!  When Daniel and I got home we signed them and fed-ex'd them overnight back to CCAI.

We had already sent them all our I-800 paperwork, DS 230 and related stuff, so they immediately sent it in to the US government on Mar 13.  Then began the wait for the I-800 PA (which is also called an I-797) ...and our family all got sick! It was one thing right after another: Croup, Pneumonia, Gastroenteritis, Colds, unexplained fevers, and just general ickiness.  No one was spared. In retrospect, perhaps it was beneficial for me, because I stopped caring when the I-800PA would arrive.  I just wanted to survive. One.minute.at.a.time.  "Oh, Lord, just strength for right now, right now!" On top of all the illness, my company decided to move our medical office to a new location, a large number of my staff went on maternity (congrats!) or sick leave.  Utter chaos.  We are definitely not settled even yet!
But, in God's time the I-800PA arrived, on April 1, 18 days after application.  Had I been well and counting at the time, I know I would have been worried and anxious, but as I said, I had other things to think about!
We got our NVC letters 2 days later (April 3), but because of a time differential and the consulate being closed Sat, Sun, Mon, they were not delivered to the US consulate till April 9.  In the meantime, I got very sick again, and ended up in the hospital. How grateful I am for the dear church family who immediately jumped in to help, dropping everything to watch my boys, and help with housework and meals.  I have not lived "near" family since I was 18 years old. Time and again, God has cared for me and my family by this other family, the one into which we are born by the new birth.  Even as I type this, I am recovering in bed, while a sweet teen from our church feeds my little guys lunch.  Through the monitor I hear the giggles and laughter, and I am grateful. So grateful.

 We are blessed!

Zhengzhou laughter! We love you!

We talk about flying to China everyday! Aren't we grownup?